Importance of Sadness

Blog, feature, Lifestyle

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β€œIt’s not the tears we cry that hurt us, but the ones we struggle not to cry, for they drip within our sad and weary hearts.” Goethe

 

Oh we are all running away from sadness aren’t we? It is such a strong emotion with some serious staying power.

I can tell you that sadness is a big part of my journey in life. Just last night working through some issues, I was able to cry for a few hours. Today I am much better because of it. Most of my close friends will tell you that I am generally a happy person. It is because I let the sadness in regularly. Sadness clears the path for happiness and joy. The first year after my husband and I split, I spent weeks and weeks crying. Months really. Wait. Who am I kidding? Almost a year of my life was spent crying. And at first I did not want to cry. I had very real fears about sliding into a depression and not being able to come out. But, what crying has taught me is that it is a wonderful way to clear energy and almost always creates a sense of relief and lightness.  I tend to cry a lot in the car. I don’t know why, but crying while driving and being alone with my tears has helped me move emotional mountains. I carry piles of paper napkins in my glove box for just this very scenario. I also feel that very deep, deep sobbing has me feeling better afterwards than even exercise or meditation (of which I do both regularly). There is no denying meditation and exercise releases stress reducing chemicals that also stimulates brain function, but there is something very sacred and special about crying and feeling sadness. We unfortunately live in a world that sends us message after message that being sad is a form of weakness or sickness.

As life unfolds itself to us, expressing sadness and tears requires some big leaps of faith to not gobble us up and spit us out. How many of you let sadness ripple uncontrollably in your life? How many of you fight it off and turn away from it? Biologically speaking, sadness and crying is being shown to have some dramatic effects on physiology. University of Minnesota researchers are showing that tears may have a direct link to relieving stress and 40% of those who cried regularly (kept a crying journal) felt an overall reduction in stress. University of Florida researchers found 89% of those who cried felt better after.

I always believe that taking a journey toward the very thing that ails us (loss of control, sadness, anger, vulnerability) is a very sacred path that has a lot of protection from the universe to assist us. That the courage we muster to brave the hostile waters of facing what ails us automatically calls upon loving forces to assist in our journey. I can tell you I cried last night over some big fears of vulnerability that are coming up for me. And good thing because my lack of vulnerability will not get me the life I want. Being vulnerable will. Being Vulnerable will get me the life I want. Do you have a fear that is holding you back from having the life you want? Life is created around us to do just that; provide us with everything we need to help us overcome any limitations to loving. And crying over how scary it is to be vulnerable is a very real and necessary thing.  And you have your reason. It could be facing the daily pain of your disease. Or rage over how much time, money and effort you are required to have to manage your disease. Or the fear that you will depend on others for help you if your disease progresses. Those are difficult fears to navigate. Who would not be scared about that? Totally worth a good cry.

I have come to find that energy moves faster when we cry. Energy clears faster when we cry. Clearing a false belief (A belief we have made up about our lives that is not true, but necessary for survival due to our circumstances) many times has sadness behind it. When we have decided that “the world is against us” or “God forgot about me and my illness” or “I am not worthy of meaningful relationships because I have a disease” energy solidifies around that belief. When you clear that belief, many times crying and sadness come along with it. Letting go of false beliefs is a form of loving yourself and trusting your life (very popular themes I talk about). I have learned to embrace being sad. Joy sits almost in the lap of sadness. They are twins of the same mother.

I want to say also to all of you, that these themes I speak of are near and dear to me because I embrace them almost every minute of every day. Struggle, sadness, trusting, loving, forgiving…those are things I work through just like you. Every post I write to you, I write because I experience heartache, suffering, pain, sadness and fear along with the joy, acceptance, loving and trust I have for how life is guiding me. It is because I love you and this path and the miracle of each day I continue. No one struggles alone.

21 Comments

    • Jessica

      So glad you found it helpful Betsy! xo-jessica

      Reply
  1. jen

    This was really sweet! I love your articles that take on the more spiritual and emotional parts of the AI journey. Very inspiring. And super timely as I just had my first good cry of the year yesterday. Sometimes you just have to let go…

    Reply
    • Jessica

      Jen…so glad you shared this. xo-jessica

      Reply
  2. Sophie

    Beautiful and honest post. I think that any kind of emotion usually makes people uncomfortable. They don’t want to deal with it, especially crying. Crying runs also in my family and I also find it liberating.

    Reply
    • Jessica

      Totally liberating!! Yes for that!! xo-jessica

      Reply
  3. Julie

    Well said Jessica. It does feel good to cry. Your words are very clear. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
    • Jessica

      thank you so much julie xoxo-jessica

      Reply
  4. Martine

    Thank you so much for writing and sharing your thoughts. Having an autoimmune disease comes with its sadness and anxiety, but you’re right. Embracing those scary and vulnerable feelings always leave me feeling better in the end. Great post! xoxo

    Reply
    • Jessica

      Thank you for sharing that with us Martine! xo-jessica

      Reply
  5. Heather T

    What a beautiful truth you have written here. Very relevant to both the ill and the well in body. It made me cry just to read. Sometimes the people we think we need the most validation from withhold from us the words we need or the allowance to grieve a loss. An thus we deal with feeling robbed of the freedom of self expression in tears or emotions to move forward. In my case, it makes you feel stuck! Stuck in a place you desire to go beyond. This post is really wonderful Jessica. You are a beautiful person inside & out and meant to accomplish many great things. You can’t be a great teacher of things you don’t know. Your experience and understanding make you wisely sympathetic to those in need of help. πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • Jessica

      Heather, such a beautiful comment. So wise. Love reading this. xo-jessica

      Reply
  6. rachel

    i was just thinking about when i first got sick about three years ago. i remembered laughing in bitter disbelief at your idea that i would someday feel gratitude and even love towards my illness. today i feel a tremendous sense of growth and happiness at how far i’ve come. i did the hard work but i have you to thank, jessica! and now i’m crying. perfect!

    Reply
    • Jessica

      You have come a long way. Paving those paths of happiness. I have been witness to the amazing amount of courage you have. I am honored to have witnessed it and watching you choose it helps me choose it each day when I think there is a big wave about to knock me over πŸ™‚ xxoo

      Reply
      • rachel

        i know for certain that i would not have had the courage without your guidance and support! your life and your work have changed me in so many ways. i can’t even tell you how grateful i am and will be always!

        Reply
        • Jessica

          I am so glad it is helpful Rachel!! xoxox-jess

          Reply
  7. Alex

    I’m British… we do not cry. I was also brought up to hide all my emotions which resulted in a kind of mish-mashed strange flat line of neither happy nor sad. I’m not a good crier… and when it does come out – genuinely can’t rememebr the last time – possibly when I saw Titanic in 1998 – it is in a short, dramatic and very private burst. Everything you say above makes so much sense… I’m cleansing my body of everything (we had a little contact at the beginning of my journey – i’m 2 months in now and feel great – but I still eat too much fruit!) – so it makes a lot of sense to cleanse and detox this way too! Thank you for your wonderfully insightful posts.

    Reply
    • Jessica

      Hi Alex! I think even thinking about being sad has value πŸ™‚ Good luck with the crying! xo-jessica

      Reply
  8. Debbie

    Reading this was like looking in a mirror, thank you. Struggles come and go for all of us, I guess it is how we deal with them, that make us different. I hold mine, so tight that no one could pry them open. Not good.

    Reply
    • Jessica

      Debbie, you and your courage to see that is the light coming in, where the loving and healing enters. Even if you hold them tight, you can do the exercise this week of loving them just like that and see what happens! xoxo-jessica

      Reply
  9. toms classics

    Sometimes you must let it go , to see if there was anything worth holding on to.

    Reply

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