“Good Health Depends on Good Choices?” I say no.




I saw this quote today:
“Good Health Depends on Good Choices”
I tried that. For like 25 years.
I think it is a total load of crap.
I tried to be good. And then I tried to make everything around me good.
And I became controlling and almost OCD. In my efforts to have a good diet, good attitude, good life, good mothering….I was as sick as I had ever been, my marriage fell apart, my husband left me and I became obsessive about germs. I held tightly to an accepted social template that society determined was ‘good’. And we see this template EVERYWHERE. There is no lack of people telling you how to be good. Eat good. Heal good. Everywhere.
Eat ancestral. Eat Paleo. Don’t social media too much. Eat bacon. Don’t eat bacon. Exercise ‘this much’ . Don’t eat sugar. Eat this kind of sugar. Pray to this god. Meditate this much. Wear these yoga clothes. Have this kind of relationship. Drive this kind of car. Save this much money a year. Find this kind of doctor. Follow this AIP template. Only trust these people. Take this webinar to be insta-famous.
It is crazy town. Crazy.
So I stopped. And I decided to sit in my own muck and stay there. And use my own internal compass to decide how to heal. And I realized that the fray of the outside messages kept me distracted from trusting my own internal compass. That was a startling wakeup call. I had no internal compass that I trusted because I was so dependent on others telling me how to do life and healing.
The very message that promised salvation to heal, be happy and like life was not based in the truth of who I was, which is: I am already divine.
It turned out that uncovering the beliefs I held about my divinity were key to healing my body. Sitting in my muck I had to own the belief I did not deserve love and belonging. That belief separated me from my divinity. So I worked on things like that in the muck. And when I did, my body healed. Then my life felt different. I stopped caring if I was good or perfect. I only focused on if I was loving toward myself in every possible state.
The most uncomfortable place I have ever sat is in my own muck. Whether or not I made a ‘good healing choice’ completely disappeared. The only way to heal was to love me in its messed up state. Completely. There, in that vulnerable, no-instruction-booklet place, I found peace. My muck helped me love myself in a totally lost state.
Go toward the muck.
There is healing there.
You do not have to be good, strict or spiritual to heal. When we sit in the discomfort and love ourselves, healing happens.
It is the place of miracles.
And then all that noise, all those crazy messages about how to be “good’ were the liberators. They were the way out.
We cannot mess this up.
Loving will have its way.


  1. Terri F

    That is true about the external fray blocking our own messages. I can’t tell you how silly I felt the first time a life coach/yoga teacher/friend/mentor asked me to ask my own body what it needed. I about ran away and never came back. I giggle now thinking about it. I never expected to hear an answer, but with patience and an open mind and some reading (your book included), I did! And I guess I never thought of certain things as muck, which I now see as muck for sure, and it’s nice to acknowledge them as such and just let it be there and walk around it with curiosity.

    • Jessica

      I think that must be the benefit of aging in some regard; we get the wisdom of our previous younger folly? 🙂 xxoo

  2. Catherine A

    Thanks for your post- ideas remind me of Gesalt therapy I have done. Basically really getting to some nitty gritty stuff – Recognizing what your higher self is telling you – taking the time to really listen to yourself. Achieving awareness about it and recognizing what what your body is communicating to you means “spending time in the muck” as you say. Lovely and love energy of your website~

    • Jessica

      Hi Catherine! Thank you for the kindness and love in your comment xxoo-jessica

  3. Rachel DuBois

    I hope you’re going to be proud of me then Jessica, as I’ve definitely been sitting in my own muck since our first call a few weeks ago. While we’re waiting for test results to figure out how to tailor my diet and what needs healing, I’ve been enjoying, REVELLING, in the muck of a diet that is completely AIP-less.

    Yep, I’ve been eating chocolate cake, toast with jam, cheese — so many foods I’ve been off for months, YEARS, trying to be perfect with my diet. It’s been a month now, and yes, I’m finally getting enough symptoms to feel it’s time to go back to a more Paleo-based and veg-heavy diet, but I’ve been amazed at the joys of just being totally relaxed about food. So much of these past weeks has been about discovering the joy in amongst the mess of life, that it’s okay to be just me with my dislike of cooking and love of (gasp) sugar.

    How do you find joy in your own muck and still make a change? Do you find that if you sit in the muck long enough, change becomes something natural rather than something you have to force yourself to do?

    • Jessica

      I was so happy to read this Rachel!! One of the ways of finding the joy has been coming to the realization that I have all the tools I need right now. That is in the realization that I am divine. All things are present and I can’t fall off the path. No matter how far it seems I am lost. When I sit in the muck of things then the muck becomes the teacher to all of this, so even though I complain (And I could be the biggest complainer on the planet btw) I still sit in it and see what things come present to work out…like I don’t deserve a wonderful life. It has not yet become a natural feeling to sit in discomfort (at least for me) but over time sitting in it and facing it has shown me that love is what pushes behind the discomfort, so at least I know there is something there for me in the muck. Hope that helps. Sending so much love to you Rachel!! xxx-jessica

  4. Vicki

    Hello lovely Jessica, I love you and I love the muck. Thank you for showing me the way forward all those months ago and helping me to be me ‘muck an all’. I think the choice to choose loving has been the best decision I have made, diets and the like aside. AIP was a help for me in my healing no doubt but the love and muck part was a much bigger healer and I have you to thank for that. I love popping by for a wisdom top-up. Your true honesty always makes me feel that ‘I can’t do this wrong 🙂 ‘. Wise words from a wise woman. Hope you are well, much love Vicki xxx

    • Jessica

      Vicki!!!!! I miss you!! I am so happy to read your comment and get a mini-update from you. Sending so much love to you my friend. xxoo-jess

      • Vicki

        I miss you too!! I will email super soon for a catch up. Much love to you xxx

  5. Susan

    Yep! True. My muck though, is accepting that AIP is the best for me. I’ve never felt so good after years of trying everything else everyone tells me is the best and that I’m missing out by not going out to eat/coffee/drinks. I have realised that I am NOT missing out, I am doing what is right for me and it’s working. Maybe it IS age, but I am starting to care less as I get better and better and don’t need the medication that the ones who tell me ‘I’m missing out’ are on!

    • Jessica

      So wonderful you are feeling better on AIP Susan!

  6. kim

    So, I’m trying to see how sitting in you muck is different from meditating?…you said that you had to let go of being perfect with all the healing modalities you were doing and just be with what is and let your inner compass guide you..so what does that really mean? how do you really do that and trust. Isn’t that just prayer and meditation? Is sitting in your muck just a different way of saying that?

    • Jessica

      Hi Kim! If we meditate to try to escape or not face our issues (“Oh, I feel really uncomfortable and sad right now, so I am going to meditate to bypass that”) then we are not sitting in the muck. Using intention is good here…being present in our prayer and meditation to the emotional discomfort and pain is useful as I am suggesting here. It isn’t different than meditating, unless you intend it to be by escaping. My suggestion is that we go toward what ails us -jessica


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