How To Be Fearless

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No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.   -Albert Einstein

 

I am a believer that life sets up our lives to unfold for maximum growth and wisdom. That the very thing we think is weighing us down is really the doorway to fulfillment and joy. This means that what ails us is the remedy. But not in the physical sense necessarily. The physical manifestation of illness is simply the end stage of something deeper calling to us. Form follows thought. Finding out what life is calling us to however, requires choice and fearlessness. Because ultimately we can either complain about how life is unfolding, or we can get with the program. I tend to do both. First I complain, and then get with accepting the program. I used to complain a lot more. Now I fuss, but I have practiced it for a while now, so I work on cooperating with what is present and my complaining passes more quickly than before. It isn’t easy, but it is simple.

So lets say you decide to cooperate with your circumstances and be present for what is happening right now. Maybe your not happy about what is present, but you don’t have to be. You just have to have openness. The next step is to be fearless. This is pretty radical. But I think being fearless for ourselves is a big buy-in for believing in yourself, and to do grace through illness, it requires you to believe yourself worthy of love, grace and beauty. And to do that I believe fearlessness is in order.

 Why do we need to be fearless for ourselves? Because change is hard. Because life can be scary. Because we don’t know why. Because we are searching for a deeper love for this whole crazy experience called life. Because we need answers and we aren’t getting any. Because something needs to change for our life to move forward. Because sometimes we have to be the one holding our own hand. This is how we move from the place of hopelessness to the place of joy. First we believe we can. We become conscious that is even a possibility. Then we open up to how we will get there. That is fearlessness. We jump out of the plane of our own life and parachute down into our own hearts. I believe that is the entire purpose of my life here on the planet. To parachute out of the plane of my life into the depths of my heart and the loving it holds. And I can complain it is a lonely journey, or I can buckle up and just do it. I decide almost every time now to just do it. (thank you Nike!)

Here are some tips of how I move into fearlessness. By the way, there is no smooth way to be fearless. It is just super clunky to be human. I am no exception to this. My assistant can tell you that I am a master stumbler and fumbler. But points for effort, right? Stand by me if you want to look good. I tend to look pulled together, but usually I am the one who gets lost, burns the sauce and is late to pick up my daughter at school. I am the one who stumbles in heels. But I am also the one who is usually crying first in any given situation, and isn’t that a great ice breaker? I am the one who is laughing at all the jokes. Not just the good ones. And I will hold the door open, and smile at the world.  And when it comes time to jump out of the plane and risk everything for love, I will step forward first and tell you I believe in you. See? It all works out in the end.

How I am fearless:

  1. I pretend I am about to dive into a swimming pool that too cold for my comfort and take a deep breath
  2. I close my eyes and take the step forward
  3. I say “f**ck it” and just do it
  4. I text a close friend and ask them to tell me everything is going to be ok
  5. I imagine my life better and this is how I get there
  6. I look in the mirror and say “I trust my life” or “you got this”
  7. I forgive myself when I when I make a big mistake

So when do we have to be fearless? Ideally every single moment. When you are in your doctors office and you are going to fire them to find a new one because you know in your heart you can find better care. When you look at the test results. When they say they don’t love you. When you realize you deserve more. When you know deep down inside your job is making you sick. When you know it is time to face the dark shadows from childhood. When your at the grocery store and the box of gluten free crackers is calling your name. When the clock strikes midnight and your truest self is asking you to follow your heart, whatever that may be.

Those are some moments that require us to pony up. Put on the parachute. I am right beside you putting mine on too. Every day, I am with you doing this work. I never know how it will turn out. I just believe wisdom and love are pushing me forward. And I trust. I just keep investing in trusting myself. I make that the work. Not the worry or the fear. I let those just do what they want. But trust is where I place my focus. For myself. And I may have to try ninety nine times. But on the hundredth try I might get a hole in one. And then I am thankful I kept trying and trusting.

16 Comments

  1. Avatar Megan April 12, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    I love the way your words always come together so beautifully. I wish you could text me everyday and send me encouraging words so that I, too, can become fearless. Thank you for your honesty and bravery.

    Reply
    1. Jessica Jessica April 12, 2015 at 9:44 pm

      Thank you Megan! That is a great idea!! xxx-jessica

      Reply
  2. Avatar Amanda Paa April 13, 2015 at 9:10 am

    Your words, this post, could not have come at a better time. I am trying to keep fighting, but it has been a rough week and a half. I broke down this weekend, wanting to give up, but knowing that I can’t. My internal pressure & stress levels are out of control, which I know are paramount to healing. I’m scared about a recent leap that I just took, not knowing what the outcome will be, or if it was the right decision. But I will find a way, I know it. I need to just jump in. And I’m working on finding the true answer to what’s going on. After doing a lot of research and food journaling, I think my SIBO is much worse that we once thought, and I might need to adapt AIP even further to find health. I might email you with more thoughts, but I had to spill this right now while in the moment. xo

    Reply
    1. Jessica Jessica April 13, 2015 at 9:55 am

      Amanda, I think what you are experiencing is what SO many others are as well. Your comment here will help everyone know they are not alone. I also think there is such a nugget of gold here for you. Coming to the place of giving up or feeling like giving up can be a strong signal of change on the horizon or of a new way coming. Our basic selves get a little anxious when this happens because change is uncomfortable so our minds resist it, but when we ‘give up’ we let go of how we think we should do things and that can clear space for just loving us that feels lost and stressed. It is that moment of not knowing and being confused and letting that feeling flood in while at the same time soothing yourself (“I accept and love my lost self, and I know I am still ok”) that new resources can come, like the SIBO you mentioned. I really think you are on to something grand. Let me know how it goes. xx-jessica

      Reply
  3. Avatar Kristi April 13, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    Love this. Thank you. Because of your help I have been telling myself often to trust my life. Think I’ll try some parachuting next! xo

    Reply
    1. Jessica Jessica April 13, 2015 at 8:03 pm

      Yay! Tell me how the parachuting goes. I will keep everyone updated on mine too! xxoo -jessica

      Reply
  4. Avatar Lindsay April 15, 2015 at 7:45 am

    Thank you for this wisdom.

    Reply
    1. Jessica Jessica April 15, 2015 at 8:34 am

      xoxox Lindsay! -jessica

      Reply
  5. Avatar Kris April 15, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    Your posts always have the best timing for me…you are so great! Thank you for all you do Jessica.

    Reply
    1. Jessica Jessica April 15, 2015 at 12:15 pm

      Aw Kris! Thank you. And thank you for all that you do too. xxxxxx-jess

      Reply
  6. Avatar Vicki April 15, 2015 at 2:14 pm

    Thank you Jessica, love, love, love this xx as always so comforting and guiding for me. Number 3 on your ‘How I am fearless’ made me smile from ear to ear, wonderful way to embrace fear 🙂 Also absolutely love the heart shaped plant growing up the wall in your photo, how amazing is that!

    Reply
    1. Jessica Jessica April 15, 2015 at 2:40 pm

      Vicki…ok that was my favorite too. A very well used phrase in my world lol!. So good to hear from you. love from your fellow fearless friend 🙂

      Reply
  7. Avatar Sofia April 17, 2015 at 5:32 am

    Dear Jessica,

    I’m so glad that I found your website and all your writings about the importance of loving yourself.

    Something big is happening to me. I’ve been reading several books about loving and taking care of oneself and my thoughts are finally starting to change. Now I really undestand that all the pain and grief I have suffered has had a great purpose. I got this disease, hypothyroidism, so that I would learn to love myself and reveal my true self. It’s amazing to realize I’ve spent all my life trying to get acceptance and love from others – but it has never been enough for me, I have been yearning for more and more love, endlessly.

    I’m addicted to helping others but the love I give isn’t entirely pure because I almost always expect people to give me something in return. I want to change – even though I am really, really scared! I need to act despite the fear. I want to cure myself and find happyness and joy. I cannot spend the rest of my life carrying other people’s worries, guilt and shame. It is not really good for others, neither for me. I prevent others from standing on their own feet. Life is a precious gift, I don’t want to waste it.

    I find it extremely difficult to be open and say things out loud because I’m scared of hurting others – and if I hurt others I feel selfish, bad and worthless. But I cannot go on like this, I have to find the courage to express myself in order to give others the opportunity to take responsibility of their actions. Otherwise people will continue taking advantage of me and complaining about their problems instead of doing something. I want to set boundaries as my suffering is not inferior to other’s.

    Thank you Jessica, you really helped me. I’m not following the AIP diet yet (just plain paleo), but maybe I should… I have noticed some great improvement by leaving out seeds and some spices like curry and cress. Now there’s much less brain fog, I can concentrate better and think much more clearly. I am so thankful!!!!

    I have been wondering what the —- is wrong with me and my brain. Sometimes my head is so messed up that I have hard time understanding what other people are saying to me… I hear what they say… but then something goes wrong in my brain and I misunderstand the message. And that is really scary. I often have to ask people to repeat what they just said and speak more slowly. I feel deeply embarrassed because of that… and people tend to look at me like I was stupid and sometimes they get angry at me and yell: “Why weren’t you listening at me?” That makes me feel so bad that I would like to disappear or die.

    But however I have noticed that when I leave out all seeds, nuts, almonds, chili, honey, dairy and all those gluten-free grains, my head is pretty much ok again. I want to get rid of these awful brain (and gut) symptoms and I am trying to convince myself that I have to quit eating food that is not good for me. Challenging, yeah.

    I hope my writing helps somebody who is struggling with the same problems. Please, keep fighting everyone! As long as there’s life there’s hope! Learning to love yourself and others, being real, being you and deciding to enjoy your life more are the most important things! It’s easy to say of course and hard to fulfill… but I try my best to change.

    Sofia

    Reply
    1. Jessica Jessica April 17, 2015 at 5:37 am

      HI Sophia! I really will treasure your sentence: “as long as there is life there’s hope”. I am sending love to you dear one. You are doing it! xx-jessica

      Reply
  8. Avatar Tracey April 22, 2015 at 9:31 am

    Well that was perfect timing!
    I started reading your blogs everyday about 30 days ago, and put myself to the test, and started following your advice and tips… And whilst I have so many rare auto immune diseases and pain… I’ve reset my ‘ inner compass’ and tested myself… And it is working… As someone once told me… ‘ just because you are sick, doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy’
    So everyday I write… And my mantra.. ‘ I am never failing, if I am trying’ and try I do… So glad I found you….

    Reply
    1. Jessica Jessica April 22, 2015 at 11:30 am

      I am getting teary reading your comment, bursting for joy for you. We change the relationship to difficulty and joy floods in. Many bows today in honor of you and your courage to do this for yourself. Made my day! xxxxxxxxx-jessica

      Reply

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